I think it is really important to read first hand accounts of other parents’ recent experiences. It is one thing to read about what might happen but it really drives it home as a real viable risk when it has happened to other families out there.
A reader recently posted this story in the comments section and, with permission, I opted to post it here:
“After viewing a waiting child and finding out her extensive medical conditions, my family decided to pursue her adoption. I did some research on the agency and found no reason, since the reopening, that I shouldn’t use them. All reports from adoptive parents came back positive. Then, through what in my personal beliefs I believe was God protecting me, I was able to put some information together and make the puzzle pieces fit. My “facilitator with this fully licensed “reputable agency, was not who they claimed to be. This person is notorious for a lack of ethics, and has a history of investigations, being extradited from countries for child trafficking, paying women to give up their children, etc.
I had used many many many hours of my precious time researching and learning about this child’s disabilities. I spent quite a bit of money getting specialists to review her medical documents. I loved, and I still love this child. We named her, hung her pictures in frames, bought her clothes and a bed, prepared our other children for her. But”¦when I was faced with the realization of who I was dealing with, what I was dealing with and the possible ramifications of supporting such an agency and person in particular, I had to do a reality check.
Could I just act like I didn’t know and bring this child home? Should I keep my mouth shut and stay under the radar so that this child would have a family. Would it be “okay since this obviously wasn’t a trafficked child. I saw the scars on her, I saw her disabilities in plane sight, she needs a home and medical care right?
Wrong
It is wrong to keep my mouth shut. It is wrong to stay under the radar even for one child, even a child that’s not trafficked (although I do now totally question her medical documents), it’s wrong to make ANY exception, for anyone under any circumstances NO MATTER HOW HARD. We terminated the adoption. Period.
I miss our little girl, the little girl I’ll never hold, never kiss, and who I won’t be able to help medically. I love her, truly love her. But MY feelings are not more important than ethical adoptions, or even playing with people that aren’t ethical, even if by some chance this adoption may have been ethical. My feelings are not more important than putting everyone else’s adoptions at risk via starting investigations that could cause another shut-down. I cannot, and no one should, give money to help foster the actions of unethical (even though they’re licensed) agencies, or unscrupulous facilitators.
It hurts, it sucks, and it is on some days unbearable to think that I chose to leave a little one, that I could help and love, behind. But, I cannot believe the lie that if anything happens to her that it is my fault. It is the fault of people who think they are above the law, people who have learned to work the system for their own personal gain. I will always love our girl, and I will always pray Mommy prayers for her, but when I go to bed at night I know I didn’t help nor give my money to a person/agency that is unethical.”
Thank you to our reader for sharing her personal and difficult story. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to walk away from a child you love but this is such an important story to share.
If you have a story to share, please email us. We’d love to share it.
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3 Responses
It took real courage and strength to step away from that referral, from that agency. I really admire you, both for doing what you knew was right, and for speaking up about it. Thanks so much for sharing.
We didn’t away from a specific child, but we did from a similar agency (could even be the same one) who was promising an immediate referral. I wanted to be able to look my adult child in the eye someday and say we did everything we could to have an ethical adoption. Unfortunately I don’t know if I’ll ever have that child to tell this!
I believe that I have read your story in another group. If so, I told you then that you have to do what you feel is the right thing for you and your family, even if others don’t agree with it. I pray that you have peace with your decision.