As we reported earlier today,
The Government of Vietnam and the Government of the United States have agreed that U.S. citizens will not be able to adopt Vietnamese children until both countries sign a new agreement or Vietnam joins the Hague Convention.
In the clearest and most official statement to date, prospective adoptive parents (PAPs) were told the door to Vietnam adoptions is truly closed. There will be no additional grace period for dossiers that were logged in but not matched by September 1st. There will be no exceptions made for children with special needs.
I know many in the Vietnam adoption community are heartbroken at this news. “What about the children? Why are they being punished?” I understand this anguish. I have felt it myself, when Cambodia, the country of my daughter’s birth, shut down nearly seven years ago. And now I am deeply disappointed to see my son’s country shut down as well. But nearly seven years of hindsight gives me a different view on this closure – a more hopeful view.
First, we need to step back and realize that adoptions from Vietnam did not end on September 1st. While referrals ceased after that date, many adoptions are still in process – 534, according to the Department of State. That’s more than entire number of adoptions in 1996 [354 that year], 1997 [425], 1998 [478], 2003 [the year of the last shutdown, 382 adoptions completed] or 2006 [the year adoptions reopened under the new MOU, 163 adoptions completed]. And that 534 is just adoptions in process as of September 1st – that doesn’t include all adoptions completed in 2008 up to that point. In fact it’s likely that more children will be adopted to the U.S. from Vietnam in 2008 than in any other year in history.
Further, while these 534 adoptions are being processed to completion, the United States and Vietnam have already begun the work of negotiating a new Agreement. While it may seem to us that nothing is happening or that the pace is much too slow, we truly don’t know what is going on behind the scenes. And personally I see Vietnam’s naming of a lead negotiator and the issuing of joint statements to be real signs of progress.
Clearly though, the issues that led to this closure are deep and complex and will take time and sincere effort on both sides to resolve. Which is why I believe it was prudent for both countries to agree not to allow any exceptional cases. As much as we all agree that children with medical issues have true and immediate needs, the reality is that each additional case that comes down the pipeline will only serve to slow down the work of implementing a new and better agreement. We saw this first hand in Cambodia. The circumstances of that shutdown were somewhat different and it was difficult for USCIS to determine where to draw the line in the processing of cases. As a result, they allowed families who had not even begun the process (but had only shown “intention” by filing an 1600a or even just by writing “2” in the number of children box on their first adoption application) to jump on the end of the pipeline. The result was that the American embassy and State department task force remained focused on those pipeline cases years after the Suspension was put into place. During that time, almost no progress was made on implementing a new procedure to allow adoptions to reopen. And by the time the last pipeline case was completed, most P/APs had moved on and there was almost no pressure on the U.S. government to do whatever necessary to get the suspension lifted. We don’t want to see that happen here. The reality is resources and staff are limited. For the good of all the children in need of families, we can not let a few exceptions drain those resources.
Finally, and I think this is the most important point, there simply wasn’t any way to protect cases processed under a Special Needs exception from fraudulant activity. To quote the USCIS FAQs :
With the de-licensing of adoption service providers and the strong possibility that a post-Sept. 1 special needs system would be decentralized, it is likely that a post-Sept. 1, 2008 adoption system would have even less safeguards and protections for children than the pre-Sept. 1 system with which we had significant concerns. Therefore, DOS and USCIS have determined that it would be difficult, if not impossible, to implement a transparent and reliable adoption program for the special needs and other excepted types of cases in Vietnam without new protections and safeguards.
We all want to think that no one would exploit a Special Needs exception – that only legally relinquished children with true and significant medical and developmental needs would be referred. But we must consider what led to the shutdown in the first place – “false information in documentation”, “documents that have been fabricated outright and official documents issued improperly or based on incorrect information”, as well as “minimal oversight” and a donation system that was found to have “a distorting effect” on the adoption system. Consider the following quote from the Embassy’s Summary of Irregularities in Adoptions in Vietnam (4/25/2008):
Orphanage directors in four provinces have reported to the Embassy that there is a strong financial incentive to maximize the number of children available for foreign adoption in their centers. The donation provided per child (available for intercountry adoption) can be up to 10 times the standard government funding. Hospital and social workers have reported that orphanage directors offer them financial incentives for each child sent to their orphanage.
With financial incentive like that, how could we be certain that orphanage directors wouldn’t falsify medical documents in order to make a child eligible for a special needs exception? It would be simple enough to produce a document to show a child had tested positive for HIV or Hep B/C … and then find that they “miraculously” tested negative once they were home in America. Or what if orphanages began soliciting minor special needs children from intact families? Nobody wants to think that these kinds of things could happen, but without proper protections in place there would be no guarantees.
Today as we read these statements from the United States and Vietnam, let us remember that this closure is not immutable – the doors will not remain closed forever. Both countries are sincere in their commitment to improve procedures and negotiate a new and better agreement. By removing the possibility of exceptions officials on both sides can focus on what is truly important – creating an ethical and transparent system that truly safeguards both children and families. It may not happen as quickly as we want it to, but I believe it will be worth the wait.
29 Responses
Why do you seem surprized that there were so many more adoptions in 2008 than other years? I know we chose VN because Guatemala had serious rumblings of closing down in late 2006. So in early 2007 we began our (non)adoption journey to VN instead. I am sure there were a large wave of PAPs just like us who moved from one country to VN. So because of the increase, a spotlight was put on VN…and surprize, surprize…they found examples of corruption. Duh. Put a spotlight on all adoption programs (including domestic) and you will find examples of fraud.
And now that VN is closed there will be a large wave of PAPs headed to countries like Ethiopia. So don’t be taken unaware when 2 years from now there is a major spotlight put on Ethiopia due to a huge increase in adoptions there.
And the cycle will continue….
Jenn V. (logged into VN in early July ’07, and am now done)
Jenn, I’m not surprised… after all there were 42 agencies working in VN and some agencies gave out many many referrals. But I do think the number is significant, considering that Vietnam is not recovering from a war or suffering from a severe economic depression or anything.
Jenn – corrupt acts were noted as early as early 2006. Although Guatemala closing and China tightening it’s requirements as well as other international problems slowing down or shutting down certainly increased Vietnam’s numbers, it did not somehow cast a new spotlight on the corruption. It was already well known about at that time.
I’m sorry your adoption didn’t work out.
[…] the State Department about Vietnam adoptions. If you are interested, you can read my views over at Voices for Vietnam Adoption Integrity. ▶▼ Comment /* 0) { jQuery(‘#comments’).show(”, change_location()); […]
I agree with Jenn V–put a spotlight on any specific adoption situation (including US Domestic) and you WILL find instances of corruption. In America, PAP’s often pay attorneys LARGE sums of money to faciliate adoptions, PAP’s often pay organizations LARGE sums of money to locate children, and PAP’s often pay women LARGE sums of money to cover expenses during pregnancy–all the while the end result is adopting a child. While international adoption is different–its not all that different in the sense that sums of money are paid for services to assist in adopting a child. Why is the US so quick to point finger at corrruption in other countries–when we often allow the same type activities to occur here in our own country??? Just a thought that crosses my mind often…
I have such MIXED feelings on this–and it is sooooo difficult to put into words. My head understands that corruption cannot continue, my heart is devastated by this loss. There has to be a way to clean up the corruption without completley shutting down a program. Innocent families have been punished and have lost more than words can describe. Families have lost so much emotionally and financially. While Vietnam may not be closed forever as the poster writes, it may be a permanent closure to those who can’t afford to immediately go into another direction. People have lost thousands of dollars. Nobody wants to think of this issue in terms of money, but that is a part of all of this. Many families will be “left out in the cold” so to speak…wondering what to do next.
Personally, I am one of those families. I am only 1 family—we all have our specific stories and we are all hurting. We need to support one another-here is my story:
I began the process in Dec. 2006. I received a referral in March 2008(of a special needs child in fact) and then lost the referral in June 2008. As many agencies require, 1/2 the fee was due at dossier submission and the other 1/2 due at acceptance of referral. I of course paid all the necessary fees, then when my world collasped after losing the referral, I prayed and prayed that another referral would occur and become official by Sept. 1. But unfortunately, it did not happen…and now it appears to be over. What do I do now? It will be difficult to recover from that finacial loss. I will never recover from the emotional loss!!! That beautiful child’s picture is forever burned in my memory and I will think of ther everyday!
Again, I am not trying to say that adoptions should have continued the way they were….but what has happened doesn’t seem to be the answer either. There had to be another way to resolve these issues. Basically, I feel thrown away, discarded, left out in the cold. I feel as if some imaginary person or organization is saying to me “Oh well, some families have their kids home–so sorry for those few of you who didn’t finish the process in time–oh and by the way, none of your $$ or time will ever be recovered. Find another country, find another way to build your family. Vietnam will only be open to you in several years after they meet the US requirements–then, hey, pay lots more money and wait, wait, wait some more…..”
I don’t mean to be negative…I just feel so lost and alone in this right now. I know there are others in the same position and I pray for you every day as well! Most importantly, I pray for those babies left behind. Some are in orphanges for legitimate reasons, some not….
But the bottom line is unless they are adopted by families from other countries, they will spend their childhood in an orphange instead of a loving family who was waiting on the other side of the world–being held back from providing them a good home.
I’d like to address the finger-pointing issue. The US at the CIS level has an obligation to oversee immigration into this country and, as such, has no role in domestic adoption but a LARGE role in international adoption.
There are very few oversights in domestic adoption which is mostly controlled on the state level. States vary tremendously in how domestic adoptions are regulated. I absolutely agree that there are issues that need to be addressed but those issues need to be addressed on a state level.
So part of the reason we see a discrepancy in how international adoption is treated in our government as compared to domestic adoption is because these are two very different areas AND levels of government. I would personally very much like to see as much attention given to domestic adoption issues as there has been in international adoption.
Let’s remember that the US did not shut down this program. The MOU expired. If Vietnam has not been willing to name a lead negotiator until very recently and movement is very slow toward a new agreement, it seems unlikely that the US *could have* made headway on improvements to clean up the program while it was open had Vietnam allowed it to continue without an MOU. As it was, in the 3 years the program was open, the original agreed upon issues were not addressed by Vietnam.
Unfortunately there has to be a line in the sand somewhere. I’m so so sorry you were caught up in it. I’m so sorry you lost a referral and then suffered the further loss of not receiving a new referral. The loss of paid monies is a real issue and it is a major concern. One of the reasons that many groups, including VVAI, is speaking out so strongly is so that more families like you do not continue to pay out money for services that just can not and will not be preformed, who are misled with false promises and false hope from agencies who can’t complete adoptions. I hate the idea of a single additional family being robbed of money or of hope. My thoughts are with your family.
Nicki,
Thank you for your thoughts! I will keep praying for the waiting families and most importantly for the orphans (in Vietnam and all over the world)!
Please see the link >
http://about-orphans.blogspot.com
Many thanks.
Thanks, Christina. As ever your experience and common sense are very welcome additions to these discussions. But most of all I appreciate your compassion for fellow PAPs and APs.
“As much as we all agree that children with medical issues have true and immediate needs…”
May I ask what about the 100,000 plus children in US foster care who COULD be adopted?
Why is it more “glamorous” “popular” whatever to adopt internationally and spend far more money and jump through far more hoops…than to adopt one of our own?
Are you all aware that globally 80-90% of chidlren in orphanages are not orphans at all but have fmaily who visit and hope to reunify their families? As was the case with David Banda adopted by Madonna.
Are you aware that participating in interational adoption – no matter how reputable you believe your agency to be – could lead you to be the recipient of a child who was stolen r kidnapped? I strongly suggest you read the works of David Smolin (google his name) on child trafficking and that of his wife (fleasbiting.blogspot.com) to know the horror of finding out that your altruism added to corruption and the destruction of a family!
There is nothing noble, or charitable about supporting baby brokers with each payment of $40k plus. It is the demand and willingness to pay such fees that creates the unscrupulous practices that exist in adoption.
Those who adopted in the past – did so with their best intentions, unaware of these things. No one in good conscience could continue to be a part of th redistribution of children for profit; the exploitation of poverty and ignorance and the commodification of children to meet a “demand.”
No one is “entitled” to a child! Every child deserves to know and be with his fmaily. very family deserves the supports they need to remain together. No one – no matter how poor of what their marital status – deserves to be pressured, coerced, lied to or have their children stolen to meet this demand!
Stop the insanity! Countires are saying no. Accept it! I read blogs every day of adopter complaining about people’s “cruel” comments – asking hw much they paid. The jig is up…the truth behind the curtain has been exposed and this is what current and future adopters who insist on pursuing this path will *rightly* face. They will o longer be patted on the back and praised for “rescuing” orphans. Do I sound cold-hearted? So is taking someone else’s child.
You also might want to read what adoptees feel about it. Many are not gushing with “gratitude”! See: Adoption, pros and cons?
what are the pros and cons of international/local adoption and close/open pros and cons adoption? http://tinyurl.com/63blby
Mirah Riben, author
The Stork Market: America’s Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry
Mirah,
I think you are just trying to drum up controversy to sell your book and I think it’s horrible. There are children all over this world that need families and I agree there are problems with the system, but that doesn’t mean EVERY adoption was the result of corruption. Yes, there are adoptees (both domestic and International) that feel cheated or unhappy with the way things turned out-but there are also MANY adoptees who have led happy healthy lives thanks to adoption.
There is corruption, I agree and changes have to be made. But stopping adoptions is not going to magically reunite families with their children and these children are not going to be singing a happy song about growing up in orphanages. It’s a horrible life when there could be an alternative. There are people all over the world (our own country included) who can not raise their children. It may be due to poverty, illness or just an unwillingness to parent. Stopping adoptions will not stop that. Cambodia has been closed to adoptions for 7 years (per this post) and it hasn’t stopped the problems in the country. Children are still homeless and growing up without families. There was a really sad story on MSNBC (I think) about the sex slave industry in Cambodia. Children as young as 5 years old are prostitutes. Many of them have been abducted (from the story), but I also bet you lots were sold into that life. There are people who don’t want to parent the children they have. It’s hard for those of us who are despirate for a family to fathom that, but it’s true. I personally would much rather someone abandon a child at an orphange and allow them to be adopted then to sell them to someone and have them be a prostitute. I am sure it’s happening just as much as people are probably forcing parents to give up their children because they can’t pay a hospital bill or whatever.
Again, I agree that there are problems, but shutting down all international adoption is not the answer. And you asked why people don’t adopt from the foster care system? Because we are afraid of it. It’s sad but true in many cases. I am sure there are thousands of happy healthy normal children to be adopted, but we hear the horror stories. Our own system is broke here in the US. We allow people to abuse and neglect the children for YEARS before anything is truly done. Many of the children are so damaged emotionally they never recover. As an AP we all fear attachment issues when we adopt internationally. But I for one would risk a child being in an orphanage for one year over one that was allowed to be abused and neglected for 5-7 years before anything was done and the child was eligible for adoption.
All the programs are broken. There is too much money involved in adoption-in EVERY country. But how as an AP do you fix that? If you refuse to pay the fees-then you are left without a child. Many of us only want to raise our children, we aren’t trying to “save” an orphan. We want a family and adoption is our only option.
sorry this is so long
I don’t want to add fuel to an already burning topic….but I feel I must comment…..
Adoption (in any form) is a very personal decision that I know is not taken lightly by the majority (if not all) families who chose to adopt. As such, I think all adoptive families must look within thier hearts and do what is right for thier family. I feel that the above post by Mirah Riben was borderline hurtful. While she is certainly entitled to her opinion and she may have what she feels are facts to back her opinions, I think she very strongly asserted her personal views onto others in an hurtful manner.
Mirah, please don’t accuse me or anyone else of feeling that we are “entitled” to a child or that we think it is “glamorous” or “popular” to adopt internationally. You cannot and should not ever assume to know what is within another person’s heart! People are going thru some very rough times right now and in my opinion, your angry words are not appropriate.
I respect your opinion, but I am sorry to say that I disagree with it. Your harsh words and condescending views are not helpful at this time. I would also like to mention that angry-sounding attitudes don’t do much to influence me or anyone else to change their views to match yours.
I have no idea who this person is with the book. I will say that I kept myself blissfully unaware of all the drama and stress. We went with a “quote unquote” ethical agency for our adoption. Our daughter was relinquished. We met her birthmother. It was the highlight of the journey for me. We have translated the notes she gave us for her daughter, and they mean more than you know. We have sent photos to her, and we need to get her last letter we got back translated. It is a WONDERFUL feeling to know that at least ‘our’ adoption was ethical. Meanwhile, I have friends dealing with unethical problems in Ethiopia, Kazakhstan, and China (yes), and three different friends in three different states are dealing with being out thousands of dollars for failed domestic adoptions. Bottom line? Corruption is everywhere. Look for much more to come out in Ethiopia in the next few years…the floodgates have already opened in that country, so the U.S. will focus on it. Was there corruption in Vietnam? Absolutely. Is there corruption (and bribery) in every country including the United States for adoptions? ABSOLUTELY. I’m so sorry for all those left hanging, my heart breaks for all of you.
Mirah,
The truth is that it is very difficult to adopt from the foster care system. Most “adoptable” children are over 7 years old. And they have been in the foster care system a good while before being eligible…and that after being abused by there birth family. The social worker even used the term “damaged goods” to warn us what we were getting into. If a child under 7 becomes available for adoption, the competition is amazing. I have a lot of experience with that. That is why we decided to pursue international adoption. But now VN is closed, so we will end our long fruitless journey.
And my friend Regina (from above), who adopted the blind girl from VN….well, that child had never had a visitor or care package the 8 years she was in the orphanage. I think your all or nothing idealism needs to be open to more shades of gray.
Jenn V
I agree with you Jenn V, we too had major problems trying to adopt domestically, and I’m in education for a career so we even had a potential “in” if you want to look at it that way. Bottom line? There is something for everyone out there. Amen. I hope you find your child soon.
I would like to clarify a couple of things.
My book begins by acknowledging that many are happy with adoption. I’d be a fool to think otherwise.
The “popularity” of international since Angelina Jolie and Madonna and other celebs have done so is noted in many publications. Entitlement is an issue dealt with as well in the field of adoption and at adoption conferences.
And, yes…life in an orphanage is not optimal. But, as I said, may children are visited by families, many others would be adopted within their own nation if not for the financial competition from the West. Others have been stolen and sold to orphanages because of the demand for children you speak of under the age of seven. While life in an orphanage is not ideal – I am sure you would agree that neither is life in foster care. Many children are abused in foster care, many lack stability, and simply mark time until they “age out” of the system — usually with poor education and skills because no one wanted them….or because adopting them is “harder.” Any life separated from one’s family is rife with pain and grief. A substitute family – no matter how loving and caring does not erase that pain.
I have also reported the FACT that many adopters prefer international adoption because they do not have to deal with or worry about birth families. No, I am not saying ALL. I am saying SOME.
I am a respected researcher who has been researching adoption for 40 years. I am a journalistic writer, so you are in essence shooting the messenger. I did not state “opinion” – state documented facts. David Smolin – like me – got into this as a result of personal experience, but we are both professional in our research and writing. I am sorry if you find it hurtful. I said – for those who have adopted – they have already adopted. I am NOT here to beat anyone up. I do seek, however, to reduce further exploitation and further trafficking in human life – for adoption or any purpose!
Many others who have adopted or lost children to adoption or been adopted are seeking to change the corrupt practices and lack of regulation: People like Adam Pertman, exec. dir. of the Donaldson Institute (at which I’ve been an invited speaker); L. Anne Babb, Ethica, aPEAR just to name a few.
And finally, the owner of this blog who wrote to thank me and share that she agrees with every word I wrote here and in my book which she has read and applauds!
I am no saying these things to shock or stir controversy or to sell books (though I will say you might read it before condemning me or it). I say nothing that the United Nations and the Hague have not verified. You – all of you involved in international adoption KNOW that and know it is true. Again, I am sorry if it hurts. But facts is facts. And losing one’s family or child to adoption is also very painful. There is a great deal of pain in adoption; every adoption begins with a tragedy. All of this why it should not be encouraged or “promoted.” It must be – as the UN has stated – a last resort. Helping families here and abroad find the resources they need to remain intact must b a first priority. Taking children one by one out of poverty does nothing to ameliorate the poverty of their family, village or nation. There are many ways to help children – SOS children’s fund, foster care, big brother/sister programs, etc.
An analogy…
I am a divorced mother of 3. When someone reports the harm and danger of divorce on children I feel sad and regret…but I don’t deny it. I know that for me – and many – there was no other option. I also know it hurt my children. It doesn’t make me right or wrong or a good or bad person. It’s just reality and I accept responsibility for my actions on my children’s lives.
Are some people “happy” and glad they divorced. Yes. Very seldom, however, are children of any age glad to have had their parents split up. What we do as parents affects our children. We need to own that. Do I think there should be no divorce – of course not. Would I “recommend” it – of course not. It’s a necessary evil that should be a last resort after all efforts to keep a marriage together have failed, or to avoid abuse.
The same is true of adoption. It should only happen as a last resort after all measures to keep families together have failed, and to provide safety from abuse.
If your honest – you know that adoption was a last resort for you. Most every person or couple or adopts would prefer that their child was born to them. Every adopted person would prefer to be related to those who raise them. And every mother who birth would prefer not to birth a child she is not able to allowed to raise.
And who amongst us does not want the corruption removed from adoption?
*snort* Now I have to join in here and say a few things. First of all, RE your previous comment: fact ARE facts (as opposed to “is” — I realize none of us are perfect, but that’s a rather flagrant grammatical error for a professional writer. I’ll refrain from pointing out the rest).
Secondly, and the main reason I am admittedly being snarky, is that you have no right to assume that if we are honest we will “know” that adoption was a last resort for us. This is why some people are so skeptical of “professional researchers” like yourself — you get ideas in your head and impose them on others when you absolutely have no idea what it is you are talking about. We have five kids. FIVE KIDS! Two of them are adopted. Adoption was in no way a last resort for us. I am perfectly able to conceive and carry children (and my husband is perfectly capable of impregnanting me, thankyouverymuch). And If I’m being perfectly, 100% honest with myself? I don’t give a rat’s you know what that my boys aren’t biologically related to me.
Do I want to see corruption removed from adoption? Yes! Do I believe every bit of nonsens that comes out of the U.N.? No! Am I going to read your book now, even if the owner of this blog loves it? Ummm . . . that would be a no.
Mirah,
I am not sure what you are hoping to gain by your posts. Hundreds of families have just been completely turned away from Vietnam adoptions so they will not be participating in international adoption. If you were hoping to give these families additional information so they would not start another international adoption and/or so that they would look into foster care – I have to say that your accusatory and negative tone did more to turn people off.
Jenny
Corruption in adoption is pretty rampant right now. Both internationally and domestically. I can tell from my own personal research that it is caused by the money of adoptive parents. I am not by any way criticizing your desire to want a child. I fully understand and respect those feelings. With that being said, the adoption industry which is a massive industry, does not care about the child, the natural parents or the adoptive parents. Sadly though it takes a RICO lawsuit to get these folks to stand up and pay attention. This country has had five of them with more looming in the future. Look at the situations with Project Oz and Commonwealth Adoptions International. I am friends with the adoptive parents in those situations. If they are having issues now, what about when their child gets to be my age (43)? What if they decide as many of us domestic adoptees have done to search? Do you really want them facing the issues that I face? Trust me they will on international level. In recent months, I am discovering that many adoptees across the country are facing the lies that are either on their OBC or in their records. This is what international adoptees will face on higher level with more corruption. My own adoptive mother has faced massive heartaches watching me struggle through the loops and jumps that the domestic side of adoption puts us through. Have you considered that? Those are issues that you must consider down the road.
Two words: exit strategy
International adoption has a double standard and a double face that few adoptive parents are willing to recognize. International adoption is based on the premise that less privileged societies can not take care of their own. International adoption is based on the premise that greater means = better life = more love. International adoption is full of rationalizations that promote the self-congratulatory nature of rescue and the satisfaction of contributing to a color blind world, which is a fantasy. The truth is with more support services parents in temporary distress would not relinquish their children. The truth is poor families love their children. The truth is people instantly respond to people of a different color than they do people of the same color. The truth is the little cute asian bundle of joy is going to grow up one day and realize all of the above. They may be grateful. They may love you, what choice do they have? But they’re also going to secretly be disturbed.
Potential adoptive parents say they are doing it for the children, but in all honesty, the primary locus for the vast majority of adoptions is centered on the prospective parents’ desires to complete themselves and validate their existence. This is called placing the adults’ needs above the child’s needs, and its manifestation can wreak all manner of havoc and confusion for the child. This desire, this need to have at all costs is something that needs to be deeply explored by prospective parents in terms of its healthiness to both the adoptive parents AND the child they are acquiring.
International adoption, due to the imbalance of nations, has been a ripe field for exploitation by first world countries, with little over-sight and regulation. It is a shameful and barbaric statement about our privilege when we find it unacceptable to accept unethical practices in our own country, but we can find ways to look aside or tolerate unethical practices in other countries, if it is to our benefit.
International adoption has been an experiment. An experiment that started out with good, humanitarian intentions, but that has been subverted, expanded, and capitalized upon until it has become an entitlement. It has taken many decades for the outcomes of international adoption to become evident, and because the practice continues, its constant evolution will always be decades away from clear understanding.
First world countries have been too slow to adopt ethical practices and regulate international adoption. It stands to reason supplying nations have learned from the past few decades of this experiment , have become alarmed, and no longer want to be a part of this exchange when they see the aftermath and feel the shame of exporting their babies and the mismanagement of this process. How would you feel if it were your nation on the supply end?
While I disagree with the sudden and complete withdrawal of these supplying nations and the financial and emotional heartache that can result in receiving nations, I can not fault them for finally stepping up to the plate to take a more responsible role in the welfare of their own citizens. I agree with potential adoptive parents when they say, “what about the children?” who languish in limbo post withdrawal and pre reformed social programming. That is why I believe in a ten year exit strategy instead of sudden withdrawal. However, the same criticisms can be levied on our own, wealthy nation. How can we expect to get international adoption right if we can’t even get it right in our own country? Who can trust us?
All potential adoptive parents should examine themselves thoroughly and, like any good actor ask, “what’s my motivation?” Deep honesty will pay off by eliminating much of the politicizing and polarizing. For, upon examination we should better be able to hold our desires up against what is truly in the best interests of the child. In the case of the international adoptee – it’s culture, it’s heritage, it’s place in society, something they can identify with. Many of these intangibles of when held up against a life with foreign parents with greater means are marginalized. But their value is intangible and beyond measure. International adoption is radical surgery that leaves scars on top of the given adoption scars of abandonment and loss.
And for those potential adoptive parents who absolutely think they are god’s gift to rainbow children as if what they have to offer will make all those costs to the child tolerable, to insure the availability of ethnic children, I would hope that you get in on adoption reform and the ethics bandwagon. Quickly. Otherwise, more and more countries are going to follow the lead of Vietnam, and you will be forced to deal with what you have here at home. You know – those kids who really NEED parents. The ones whose parents have really died. The ones who were abused. The ones whose parents couldn’t cope with their disabilities. The ones languishing in OUR foster homes and group homes. What about them? Did I mention something about double standards before?
I repeat: If you’re smart you’ll get in on adoption reform and support it wholeheartedly. There will be less children available, but their interests will be better looked after. It is better (from your perspective) than having the option cut off completely.
As a product of one of these transracial, intercountry adoptions, the end of international adoption would be a dream come true. I hope the adoption agencies exploiting disadvantaged people on one end and separating you from your money on the other end are exorcised out of existence, and I hope this trend towards domestic preservation continues. I’m going to continue to speak out, as more and more of my fellow adoptees do, about the realities of international adoption from the adoptee’s perspective. Our parents were not so different from you. We are not so different from the children you hope to be adopting. We didn’t ask for this. But despite better conditions, we have had to live the consequences of your decisions, and we’re the ones who are asked to adjust and we’re the ones who have to deal with all of our losses. And we don’t want any other children to have to suffer the added separation of country and culture on top of losing our mothers. We just want you to think deeply and hard about what the hell you’re doing. About your wants and your rationalizations.
I simply cannot understand these new developments in regard to special needs children in Vietnam. I also cannot understand the viewpoint that:
“As much as we all agree that children with medical issues have true and immediate needs, the reality is that each additional case that comes down the pipeline will only serve to slow down the work of implementing a new and better agreement. ”
This seems to me to be saying that the governments should ignore the very real, immediate, and completely verifiable needs of special needs children, some of whom have already been matched and are just waiting for their new families to come and get them and provide them with the medical care and attention they need, so the governments can work on restoring the adoption system in Vietnam for the benefit of all potential children who wait and not only the special needs children.
As a parent to a special needs child, I can attest that choosing to adopt a special needs child is not a decision that is lightly undertaken. Much thought and research goes into understanding if one is able to parent and provide the needed medical care a special needs child requires. Much professional medical consultation is done before accepting the referral of a special needs child. My son who has special needs was adopted from China. Brian Stuy, who is rather an authority on the behind-the-scenes happenings of Chinese adoption, states frequently on his blog that the special needs children in China are truly in need of homes. Special needs adoptions have a significantly less chance of being tainted by corruption because there are many more special needs children who need homes than there are homes for them worldwide. The medical insurance system in China, and I’m sure in Vietnam, is not so that the average family can afford to provide the medical care required for these unfortunate and lovely children who have such potential. There is also more of a bias by some or possibly many (but certainly not all) Chinese people against children and people with visible physical differences, be the family labeled unlucky or what have you.
The suggestion that the corruption which taints non-special needs, infant, Vietnamese adoptions could find its way into special needs adoptions, is not completely unfounded, however, it is not likely. The reason why is because there are not that many people who willingly choose to adopt children with limb differences, children that will require several surgeries, children with hepatitis that is spreadable through blood and have significant issues with disclosure and discrimination, etc. The United States is a nation that under George Bush has been open to providing a home and opportunities for these special children in need. The United States gives a $13,000 tax credit for adopting special needs children, as opposed to the $10,000 for non-special needs adoption in recognition of the additional expense and effort the adoption of a special needs child requires. And now the United States has said that it will not presently be processing cases of these truly less fortunate children in Vietnam. And this blog and JCICS propose that one reason for denying this necessary and deserved opportunity to presently identified and specific special needs children is so that Vietnam can focus its limited resources on a new agreement.
This really is outrageous. Take a look at Ethica’s paper on why the Hague regulations will not clean up corruption in adoption in the third world. It is on their website. No new VN/US bilateral agreement will clean it up unless that agreement goes way above and beyond the Hague in regard to severe fee limitations, restrictions and complete financial oversight. Instead, any new bilateral agreement that would take place would seem to have the purpose of a temporary patch until Vietnam can implement the Hague, and could very well be less restrictive than even the grossly inadequate Hague regulations. Meanwhile, the healthy infants in Vietnam needing homes will certainly find homes in the many other countries that are currently proceeding with adoptions in Vietnam. Many people all over the world want to adopt healthy infants. But the children who are unfortunate enough to be born with special needs will not all find homes in other countries. It is the United States that has the most understanding for these kids, with programs to help them being required in the public schools and education about accepting differences being promulgated country wide.
My son was born with cleft lip and palate and has epilepsy. He has had seizures at school and has a visible difference. His public school has bent over backwards to accommodate his needs in ways that amaze me. My son will be a normal adult and will receive the best of surgery and care here so he can develop to his full potential. I shudder to think what if the doors to his adoption were closed and he had to remain in an orphanage in China for his life.
That is what we are talking about with special needs adoptions in Vietnam. These children with significant needs who have currently been matched may be denied the opportunity to come to the United States and receive care in an expedient manner. The children will grow older in the orphanage, and not receiving the care they require will further cripple them and significantly impair their chances at a healthy development and normal lives.
To say that “the reality is that each additional case that comes down the pipeline will only serve to slow down the work of implementing a new and better agreement,†is hypothetical and shows a lack of understanding for not only the gross inadequacies of the Hague regulations, but also for the serious challenges faced by special needs children, the medical research, consultation and commitment undertaken by the adoptive parents before accepting such a referral, and the ease in which special needs can be verified before US visa issuance by a blood test and medical examination. Special needs children in Vietnam deserve compassion and exceptions to the formal US/VN adoption negotiations.
I have read and re-read the above post by girl4708 and I can honestly say that it has lead me to think a little harder and in another direction. That is why I read this site-to see other views. I find that girl4708’s views are very similar to Mirah’s but she expresses them in a much more appropriate way. She actually made me re-analyze some of my thoughts and feelings. I admire her courage and honesty to speak of something very personal that not all of us have experienced first hand. I didn’t feel threatened or accused by girl4708’s words…
I do have one question for her though. While you share your feelings of loss as an international adoptee, would you rather had remained in an orphange for your entire childhood? I’m sure you would have much rather remained with your birth family in your birth country (and I do feel like I understand it). But what if you were one of those children who became an orphan by true means and no other family in your own country was able to adopt you? Would you have preferred to remain in an orphange in your birth country for your childhood as opposed to being adopted internationally?
I am not asking this question to offend you or make you angry. I truely want to know your feelings on it. My intentions are pure–I am not trying to ignite a firestorm–I am truely interested in your feelings. Since I don’t personally know an adult international adoptee I value your response.
Your adoptive mother obviously provided well for you (it is evident in your writing style, and obvious education). Would you have rathered she not have adopted you? I’m confused….I really want to adopt a child and I really do want all view points. Your oponion is important and worthy of sharing with those of us now looking in other directions.
Q. What if you were one of those children who became an orphan by true means and no other family in your own country was able to adopt you? Would you have preferred to remain in an orphanage in your birth country for your childhood as opposed to being adopted internationally?
A. I have a Korean adoptee friend who was adopted at 9 and fully aware of the impact of her adoption. She preferred growing up with others in a shared circumstance, rather than being isolated in a new and foreign country. She had happiness and solidarity at the orphanage. She had only herself in North America. The isolation of our experience is the hardest part to bear.
Myself, I can not answer what-if questions. My life has been full of tragedy, and if I dwelt upon what-if’s I would be rendered incapacitated to live in this world. I try to address this hand I’ve been dealt with, with as much grace as possible. It is not easy, because I’ve been dealt a particularly lousy hand. I certainly won’t be grateful for being spared from an unknown what-if either.
I often fantasized I was in an orphanage playing with other children as I was growing up. Every adoptive parent means well and likes to think they will be an improvement to their kids lives. However, the parent’s perceptions don’t always match what we kids experience. Despite the higher mandate to provide the disadvantaged child with a better life than it had before, that mandate is poorly understood, implemented and enforced. My parents felt they were good parents, but I will never be grateful. You can read my story here:
http://adoptionsurvivor.wordpress.com/2008/10/06/anger-guilt-and-the-grieving-adoptee/
I worry about meeting my birth mother and what I will tell her when she asks about my better life she gave me up for. Like beauty, it is in the eye of the beholder. And even if I wasn’t abused, I think I would question whether our culture or our society is really any better than the one I was saved from.
Q. Your adoptive mother obviously provided well for you (it is evident in your writing style, and obvious education). Would you have rathered she not have adopted you?
A. My adoptive father was a music teacher, my mother a housewife. They were educated, but not critical thinkers. My brain has always worked differently than everyone in my household. I drew. They played music. As a child I spoke in metaphors because I thought in metaphor. They could never understand what I was saying because their ability to derive meaning from a metaphor was non-existent. It is a lonely place to be when you are raised by people so radically different than you.
You will find many adoptees are excellent writers. There are so many things we are not free to express as we are growing up, that the words just incubate, waiting for the right time and place to be be born.
I became an at-risk teenager and even ended up in remedial classes. I left home at 17, dropped out of school at one point, though I did graduate. I married what would become an alcoholic, and did not return to school until I was a divorcing welfare mom. I excelled at my university and even got accepted to Yale. Today I reject my degree and choose to live as simply as I can.
There is more to life than success. Filling in the years that were taken from me and erased, searching for the beginning of my story, starving for just one face that reflects me has become a yearning that some days seems to drive all I do. I suppose it is not unlike the yearning of a barren woman. Only my identity was mine to begin with, so I am reclaiming something taken from me. My first three years formed me, don’t you think they didn’t. That experience is like the word you can’t remember, the idea you can almost put your finger on, the deja vu that makes you pause and wonder about other lives. For adoptees, that’s not just speculation. It is the vestiges of an imprint.
I know many of my troubled years were a result of being abused, adopted, inter-country, and transracial. It wasn’t until I reached my forties that the deeper impact and implications of abandonment and adoption reared their ugly head. As I said before, being severed from your identity by international adoption is surgery. On top of the wound of abandonment, which may never heal. Clearly, my life has not been better or any worse than had I stayed in Korea. But I talk to non-abused adoptees, and except for the added complication of abuse, we all are profoundly impacted. I won’t call this damage, though damage is there. I think we’ve just been forced to deal with a lot of things the majority of people have never had to deal with in places the majority of people have never had to walk. You can’t get much more profound than identity.
Coming to America did not bring me any distinct advantages that I can appreciate. Korea, the country of my birth, is an educated nation and now a first world economy. And, as prosperity has increased, so too have the conditions and regard for its women. I am researching my birth country and find many elegant things about it that belie its marginalization I have been taught to think of as a westerner.
http://holtsurvivor.wordpress.com/2008/10/19/the-han-of-being-kyopo-or-korean-interrupted/
I am moving to Korea in February and will establish residency there as I search for my birth family. It is true I probably had more opportunities here. But opportunities do not always equal happiness. I feel, I feel as if my path has been interrupted by adoption. Like it’s taken forty years to find my bearings and find my way back home.
Yes. I’d rather I not been adopted.
Dear girl4708,
I had decided to “take a break” from this website because some of the posts/replies (including my own) were simply going into a direction that I did not want to be a part of (although I do appreciate the advice and information it provides). However, I have been occasionally checking for your reply.
I thank you for your honesty and openness with such personal experiences. I am truely sorry for your situation. It really sounds like you have been through much heartache in life. I don’t presume to know exactly what you have been through but your words are profound and full of sadness. From what you post, it sounds like you have had many difficult moments in life-many resulting from your adoption and it appears many resulting from other reasons beyond the adoption.
While, I completely appreciate your words describing your situations…I also would guess that there are adult adoptees who possibly feel differently. I would love to hear from them as well. I am sure that there are adoptees who felt love and comfort from thier adoptive family. I’m sure most (if not all) of them have curiosity about their birth families (as do most domestically adoptive adults do as well). I think adoption in any form creates curiosity and wonder from the adoptee. But, I do agree that international and/or transracial adoption can create more difficult situations.
Personally, I can’t speak for other adoptees or for you and I would never attempt to. However, I can say that my birth father left my mother when I was very young (2 or 3) and I have only spoken with him once. I sometimes wonder about him-but I felt love and support from my stepfather (who eventually adopted me after he married my mother). So, I have a very SMALL understanding of what you feel. But, it is nowhere near your experiences and I wouldn’t campare them at all. I only bring it up to say that I understand (a tiny bit).
Again, I appreciate your openness and honesty. It is my hope that you find happiness and are able to fill the void in your life.
Take care!
[…] words: Exit Strategy Comment on Post at Voices for Vietnam Adoption Integrity about Vietnam’s Withdrawal from International […]
I encourage you to read an article entitled “The Lie We Love” by By E. J. Graff. Graff, like me, is a journalist. She is senior researcher directing the Gender & Justice Project at Brandeis University’s Schuster Institute for Investigative Journalism, is a journalist whose work appears in such outlets as the New York Times Magazine, Washington Post, Boston Globe, Los Angeles Times, Columbia Journalism Review, The New Republic, and the Women’s Review of Books. She collaborated on Evelyn Murphy’s book, Getting Even: Why Women Still Don’t Get Paid Like Men–and What To Do About It (Simon & Schuster, 2005), and is the author of What Is Marriage For? The Strange Social History of Our Most Intimate Institution (Beacon Press, 1999, 2004). Graff is a Brandeis Women’s Studies Research Center resident scholar and a senior correspondent for The American Prospect.
The article “The Lie we Love” is in the current issue of Foreign Policy and requires a subscription. You can read a brief excerpt at: http://www.foreignpolicy.com/users/login.php?story_id=4508&URL=http://www.foreignpolicy.com/story/cms.php?story_id=4508
It will be available online in full shortly through the Brandeis website.
Yes: Facts are facts. Some we may not like. As journalists, our job is to report them and hope that exposing the truth will help some clarify their decisions. Al Gore and others promote environmental action by exposing “inconvenient truths.” People can chose to deny the facts, ignore warnings about ice caps melting – even find false “profits’ to tell them just the opposite – or the benefits of the end of days. Others feel overwhelmed or helpless to do anything to stop it…or they can chose to make whatever small changes in their lifestyle they chose to make to reduce their own carbon footprint.
Tracy and Kelly agree there are problems. All who investigate adoption in the future need to decide to be part of the problem or part of the solution. It’s a choice.
I do not agree that adopting from foster care is hard or harder, or criteria are stricter or any such. I know same sex couple who have successfully done foster-to-adopt. And even if it is – is adopting something you are choosing to do because it is ‘easy” or because it is right?
Here’s an article hot off the presses:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/11/07/AR2008110702807.html Adoption’s Numbers Mystery By Jeff Katz
“The latest study, released in August, found that nearly 600,000 women are seeking to adopt children they do not know….Each woman in the National Survey of Family Growth who is seeking to adopt was asked about the characteristics of the child she would “prefer” to adopt or would “accept.” The answers are eye-opening when compared with the facts that Health and Human Services has made public about the children waiting to be adopted. Consider:
· 521,400 survey respondents said they would adopt a black child. In fact, there were 41,591 black children in foster care waiting to be adopted — or, 12.5 prospective parents for each waiting child.
· 351,600 respondents said they would adopt children ages 6 to 12. There were 46,136 children ages 6 to 12 in foster care — or, 7.6 prospective parents for each waiting child.
· 185,400 said they would adopt a child age 13 or older. There were 30,654 children age 13 or older in foster care — or, six prospective parents for each waiting child.
“Additionally, 181,800 respondents said they would adopt children with severe disabilities, and 447,000 said they would adopt two or more siblings at once.”
YET…129,000 children in foster care who COULD be adopted are NOT!
PLEASE TELL ME WHY?
I hope you can see on thing, if nothing else. This is not just “some lady with a book” trying to cash in saying this. Again – you may not like the facts. I don’t blame you. They are UGLY and reek of prejudice and elistism…and yes of entitlement to a child without risk of their birthmother being anywhere near by to interfere, as told to me by adoptive mothers of international adoptions. You may not like them, but they are the facts!
Read Smolin. read Roselie Post…educate yourself – or keep your head in the sand..yur choice.
Mirah, You keep asking why PAPs of IA do not adopt domestically. As far as I can see, there are two answers: 1) you’re wrong, and lots of parents who adopt internationally also seek to adopt domestically; 2) these are completely different systems.
In the U.S. we have what are essentially two adoption systems: the foster care system and the private adoption system, both of which have their own challenges and flaws. The international adoption scene ALSO has its flaws. Nothing is perfect. But know that domestic adoption is NOT a panacea.
I also take issue with the “be honest with yourself, everyone wants to have a biological child as their first option” statement (that I paraphrased). I think I am pretty darn honest, and no, that is not our first resort. That is our PLAN B to have biological children.
A little advice: Don’t judge. You may have the most well-resesarched book on this topic, but to sit and smugly judge others for their choices and decisions completely negates the value of any research you’ve done.
Best wishes.
Reflections on this thread…
As a person who can understand WHY people want to adopt, yet as a person who wants all international adoption to END, I’ve found this thread to be very interesting.
It’s interesting because this is a website devoted to integrity and ethics in adoption, and yet it still reflects all the divisiveness of the adoption issues at large. It’s also always interesting to me when children who were once so coveted and sought out grow up to be a source of discomfort and conflict.
Like most of the parents here, my views about adoption began to turn upside down only as I learned more about how it was conducted and as I explored the motivations behind its genesis. It’s not a pretty picture beneath its top layer. The deeper I explored, the more outraged I became. Is this angry adoptee syndrome a popular phenomenon? No. It does not reflect the majority of adoptions (though I do believe time brings us all closer to these revelations). I believe it is a parallel path to those who are willing to ascribe to ethical adoptions, which also do not represent the majority of adoptive parents. Both positions are the result of a deeper exploration and a belief in social justice and personal responsibility. These positions are not set, but are a journey, as we all are seeking the truth.
Rachael, I agree with you that there is no room for (or value in) blame or assumptions or pre-judging. Especially when what’s done is done. However, more fundamental to all adoptions are the issues of desire, entitlement and all the dark alleys that can lead people down. As a broad generalization, the distinctions between ethical adoptions and the status quo often stop here.
For me, as an idealist who wants to promote the idea of village (a more expanded definition of family in a social context) and the exploration of what a genuine parent is, I don’t feel adoptions are a necessary legal construct. However, as a pragmatist, I feel I must address adoption on two fronts: Support for social services in source countries to eliminate the need for adoptions, and support for the children who have already been adopted. By support for social service in source countries, I believe most adoptions are unnecessary and very correctable if we threw as much energy into caring for one another as we throw energy into rescuing children of the aftermath of not caring for one another. By support for the children who have already been adopted, I mean helping children by helping their adoptive parents provide a more meaningful parent/child relationship. What’s done is done and I want to spare other adopted children the suffering us older adoptees had to endure at the hands of our well meaning (by their estimation) parents.
At the essential core of both fronts is the surgery that is executed for adoption to take place, and the participation of institutions or individuals in that wound. What is frustrating is that the majority of potential and already adoptive parents reject acknowledging their participation in that reality. Because these issues are so fundamental to the relationship of adopted child and parent, the denial of or unwillingness to admit their role in this surgery can lead to an unbridgeable gap of mistrust, a gap that young children are unable to verbalize. The ends do not always justify the means. If the means were ugly, but only the beauty is promoted, then children are taught that their parents are hypocrites that can’t be trusted to be honest. This lack of trust prevents adoptee relationships with their adoptive parents from fulfilling its potential for depth and meaning.
And the means does not only include adoption agencies and countries. It starts with each person, and what set them on the road to adoption in the first place. Too often progressive adoptive parents wear the mantel of truth yet still exhibit their underlying entitlement. I will put forth that adult adoptees have hyper awareness of this when it occurs. There doesn’t seem to be any good way to point out when entitlement is showing without appearing accusatory.
When you hear the “anger” or frustration in the adoptee voice, it is because we are always trying to have a conversation with people closed to any real discourse when it does not validate what they have put so much energy into building. So please be understanding and patient when you deal with adoptees – the frustration and isolation of voicing an unpopular opinion and repeatedly talking to deaf ears can make our voices shrill.
Mirah, on the other hand, I think that it does not do our cause any good when we try and hammer home our viewpoints, however well argued. This is because there are too many iterations of the adoption scenario and because the ten arguments we may have do not apply to the 15 reasons people adopt. I understand your frustration that, despite being about integrity and ethics, this site is still advocating adoption, and more radical than that, international adoption. Yet – I think our energies can be spent better eliciting allies at places such as this. We don’t necessarily need 100% support. An inroad is an inroad. A little enlightenment is still an improvement and progressive. We need thoughtful parents, like the ones who come here, to help us re-frame the dialog with the rest of the adopting world. We can not do this alone. We need to recognize those that are on this path are heading somewhere positive, just as they need to recognize that our perspectives are valuable, even if they hurt.
Me, I’m a pragmatist.
I see adoption as a great experiment gone horribly awry. I feel we can all learn from each other and all work together to stop the mistakes of the past from continuing to be perpetuated. It is my sincerest hope that for every adoption that goes through, x+ families are assisted to stay together. We should ALL work towards the elimination of the need for adoption. Hopefully we can all agree that the need for adoption is messed up, that there are things we can work together on to eliminate this need, and that reform is a beautiful thing.
I would hope all of you can join me in open forum, enlightening popular culture as to the complexities and consequences of adoption. I would hope everyone can take what you’ve learned and broadcast it OUT to those that know little about adoption and do what we can to minimize the damage that can happen when people jump into something with simple and reckless abandon. I commend you all for pausing to think and choosing this path. Now that you’re on this path, I hope you don’t stop – but continue on – with me – working for social justice and – with yourselves – doing the hard self analysis.
For the kids