What do you want me to say? You who are waiting, waiting, waiting, for a child, your heart so frustrated and tender that the slightest bit of negativity sends you into a tailspin. I know that feeling. I lived that feeling. Twice. It is hard and so very painful. Sometimes it feels like you can’t breathe. And every single thing that anyone says or does feels so consequential. Sometimes it is.
When I say that corruption was a very big problem in Vietnam before the shutdown, you want to shake your head, no. You want to believe there were only a few isolated cases, that our government lied, that even if there were problems, those problems have all been dealt with and everything is good now.
That is what I told myself when we adopted from Cambodia ”“ just months after the program reopened, with a new “better system in place. And that is what I hoped would happen when we chose to adopt from Vietnam in 2005, just as the program was reopening, a new “better system in place.
The truth is, it was possible to complete an ethical adoption from Vietnam under that new system. I believe many adoptions were processed in an aboveboard way. Unfortunately, it was also possible to cut corners and ignore rules and grease palms to speed up timeframes and by the time things came to a screeching halt the corrupt cases very likely outnumbered the ethical ones. Because who wants to wait if you don’t have to? And if an agency is licensed and they say they can give you a referral of an infant right now, why on earth would you choose another agency that tells you there’s a wait?
It all came down to the fee schedule. Or rather, the lack of one. When the US signed their agreement with Vietnam last time, it was on the condition that Vietnam would produce a clear fee schedule for their side of the adoption process. “Soon, they said. “In a few months. Months turned into years. Still no fee schedule. Without officially set fees, orphanages and provinces were free to set up their own fee system. They could charge whatever they wanted. They could charge different amounts to different people. Who would know? And if an agency wants to buy the orphanage director a car, what’s wrong with that? Or if an agency, under the guise of working as an NGO pours on the “humanitarian aid to the orphanages that provide them children, well of course that orphanage will send more kids their way”¦ it’s about the relationship. Not the fees.
I heard all of those excuses and more. While I waited a full year for my two and half ”¦ then three.. then three and a half year old son, other families brought their AYAP (as young as possible) babies home in record time, singing the praises of their generous agencies who did so much for the orphanages. My adoption took much longer, because my agency refused to play the game. No extra fees. No special favors. By the books, methodically and carefully. The province dragged their feet, expecting to get results, but our agency stood firm. Was I frustrated? You bet. But I knew better. Because I had been down this road before, I saw what so many others were unable to see.
You can’t get something for nothing. And supply always follows demand. PAP’s demanded young babies, fast. Agencies turned to orphanages to supply them.
According to DIA [Dept. of International Adoption – VN] , orphanages are required to refer one child for foreign adoption for every x dollars donated by the ASP [Adoption Service Provider aka Agency]. Thus, if the ASP funds a $10,000 project and the per-child donation is set at $1000 per child, then the orphanage would be required to refer 10 children for intercountry adoption to the ASP. Should the orphanage not have 10 children who are qualified for intercountry adoption, then, according to DIA, the orphanage director is required to find the additional children to complete his side of the agreement. Two orphanage directors have confirmed to consular officers that they are feeling pressure to find more children for their orphanage to “compensate” ASPs for their donations. ~ Summary of Irregularities in Adoptions in Vietnam (04/25/2008)
It happened. Not just once or twice, but many times, all over the country. Some provinces were totally corrupt, others varied depending on the behavior of individual orphanages and agencies. But it happened. And it wasn’t just a matter of speeding things up, cutting through “red tape to keep children from being institutionalized too long. Some of these children ”“ we don’t know how many ”“ would never have been institutionalized in the first place were it not for the demands of eager PAPs and their agencies.
During a recent return to the area in 2007, some parents expressed a concern to me regarding their children. As one mother explained, local officials from the “Trung tâm nuôi dưỡng ngÆ°á»i có công đối tÆ°Æ¡ng xã há»™i Centre in Äồng Há»›i, the provincial capital, and communal authorities had come to the village offering help to the children. After some discussions and visits, several households agreed to send their children to the institution in Äồng Há»›i. These were supposed to be short stays, but now apparently many of the children were gone and had not come back to the Rục villages. One mother explained how she had become worried and gone to town to see her children, only to be informed that they were gone. “Do you know if my children have been sold?, she had asked me. She had received a photo picturing what seemed like a ceremony of her children being handed over to foreigners and was now seriously worried about the fate of her children. ~ “Will the Vietnamese Rục children come home? “case closed or is there hope?” Peter Bille Larsen, anthropologist
It wasn’t because our government is populated by grumpy old men out to kill your joy. Seriously bad things were happening. Children were being taken from their families. Stolen. Kidnapped. Parents were lied to. Identities were erased. Paperwork was forged. Without the power to take away agencies’ licenses, the US had no other option but to shut the whole thing down. It didn’t matter that a few of the agencies were following all the rules and doing everything properly. The corruption of the others led to the downfall of the whole system.
And here we are again. The internet is abuzz with the whisperings of a new agreement to come, doors about to reopen. A new “better system. Will it truly be better? Or will the same corruption be there, hidden under a few new layers of bureaucracy? Will it reopen with a great rush of excited hopeful PAP’s clamoring for their AYAP babies, a sudden gush of demand pressuring orphanages and provinces to provide the supply?
Do you believe there are really “thousands of babies just waiting for a new agreement to be put into place? One NGO that has worked in the past with an adoption agency wondered that very thing, and so they took a survey in January 2012. Across the country nearly a hundred child care centers were surveyed on a number of issues relating to the care of children, including the raw numbers of children in their care. What did they find?
Every CCC is committed to long”term care for all their children. They do not see their CCC as a temporary living place or an avenue for adoption. One of the rumors that the survey hoped to answer was that “all the orphanages were crowded with babies. As of January 2012, NONE of the Child Care Centers have any young children
- 40% of the children are between the ages of 6-10 years old.
- 60% of the children are over 11 years old
None. Not. Any. Keep in mind this survey was done by an organization that worked with an agency that previously worked in Vietnam, so if anything they would have an incentive to say there were many young children waiting for families. But that is not what they found.
That is not to say that I believe there truly are NO young children in need of families. Tragedies happen. And there is a two-child limit on families in Vietnam, though it is not vigorously enforced. Certainly there must be some young children somewhere. But it is a far cry from the baby rooms that adoptive families saw in 2005-2008 when they traveled to adopt their children. The demand was cut off, so the supply dwindled.
If we want to have any chance of a truly better system the next time around, we need to adjust our expectations. People need to be aware that there are NOT thousands of babies just waiting. People need to understand that without a clear fee schedule there will inevitably be corruption. We all need to step back and look at the bigger picture. Good agencies DO exist. It IS possible to adopt in an ethical manner. And if we could find a way to support those agencies ”“ and choke out the ones that cut the corners and make the outrageous demands ”“ perhaps that better system would have half a chance.
That is why we are here . That is why we keep talking about these uncomfortable issues that no one wants to talk about. It is not because we are “anti-adoption ”“ far from it! We hold the ideal of adoption so dear, we want to preserve and protect it, that other families may be as blessed as we have been.
Please, don’t let your fear and your anger cloud your judgment. Use this time while everything is still on hold to learn all you can about what happened before, so that you can help to prevent it from happening again. Knowledge is power. And those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. If you truly believe you are meant to adopt a child from Vietnam, do you not owe it to them to make certain their adoption story is one you will be proud to tell them ”“ with no questions or mysteries, just the clear unvarnished truth?
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If you would like to learn more for yourself, we recommend reading through the Schuster Institute’s very thorough investigative report. Mentioned in the report, but worthy of its own separate link is this summary of findings from the US Embassy. And to prove that these reports are not coming solely from the US side of things, read this article from Viet Nam News.
16 Responses
Hi Christina
I could not have put it myself. Forewarned is forearmed.
I read on a Yahoo group recently that the babies are being sent to private, religious based orphanages and are transferred to the public ones when they are older and easier to care for. Have you heard of this? I don’t know how accurate it is , but am curious.
Hi E I have seen that too which was why I was so interested in the survey mentioned above. i think that will answer your questions, when we asked the orphanage why there were no healthy babies only special needs they said they were the only children being brought in. The figure in the survey above fits what we saw in the orphanage, just four babies. I am also concerned that it seems that My Linh Soland may still be arranging adoptions, the fact that she is still working in Vietnam does not look good for transparency in the new system. I certainly hope she is not!!
Thank you for your article. I appreciate the reminder. However, I have a hard honest question. I have read yours and many many other articles like it, stating the facts about the corrupt situation in Vietnam. What I never hear is an explanation of what the families, who have adopted during that time period, are supposed to do with this knowledge. I can’t tell you how much these articles eat at me each time I read one. We adopted in 2007, in one of the provinces mentioned in another article for corruption. Our process was legit, our agency was respected. We were told abandonment was common because of the disgrace of becoming pregnant unwed/young. We have loved and adored our daughter (because that is what she is) these 6 years. But there is always the assumption that maybe the information told to us, the story given to us about her past, was not real, was forged. Well, now what? Are we to hire someone to find the truth? Are we to continue ignoring it and pouring out our love, hoping to bury the mystery so it never surfaces? What if it’s true or what about her birth mother who still wonders about her? What do you suggest? Who do we turn to? Who can we trust to find out the truth? This is a type of article I would like to read. Or at least a recommendation of someone that might assist. Thanks!
EJ – you are right, this is a hard question. After an adoption is complete I don’t believe anyone can tell anyone else exactly what and how are the best ways to handle these difficult situations. My daughter, like yours, is from one of those provinces frequently named as corrupt. I saw the corruption with my own eyes although, thankfully, not necessarily directly connected with her adoption. In our home, my plan is to be honest with her to the extent that I can and as is appropriate for her age. When she asks hard questions I plan to answer with honesty. That means I’ll have to explain that I don’t really have a lot of answers. I do plan to pursue a search at some point but have little faith that it will yield any results. Others have gone before me in the same province without much luck. I also plan to register her through 23andme.com and know many other adoptive parents have done the same. I want to offer her as much opportunity for knowledge as is possible. What she chooses to do with that opportunity will be, in the end, up to her.
i completely agree with nicki….my daughters are now 15, when we started questioning their adoption story they were 3 years old…and as they’ve gotten older they ask the same question in different ways, “were we stolen?”, and we’ve answered with complete honesty. it includes a lot of “i don’t know” , but at their request we’ve gone to back the province (age 9), to the orphanage (age 10), and to see all their paperwork, having it translated again (age 13). they haven’t asked for a search yet, but they may, they haven’t asked for dna registration, but just learned about it at culture camp last year, so that may be next. whatever it is they want to know, we give them all the resources to find their answers at their pace. what we don’t do is “sugarcoat” it. they know the difference between right and wrong, and i know that they love us, but they also TRUST us…because we have articles like this to inform and educate us.
Hi Ej
We went through the same as you and began to look at searching for our daughter. We actually carried out three searches in total and have been very lucky. We have so much more information for her now and she was welcomed with open arms. Hope that helps.
Una, what type of methods did you use for searching? I have only begun the process of researching this. I’m not sure what type of outcome I’m looking for, but I would at least like to verify her “story” if possible. Even if it ends there for a while, it would be a start. I plan to contact our agency with specific questions and dig up old reports and things. Were you saying you managed to find her birth mother?
Caroline, at what age did you feel they were ready to hear the hard truth, the unknown about being stolen/bought? Right now she knows her birth mother could not care for her or keep her, though we explained she loved her enough to give her life and desired for her to find a better home. We had a letter that stated some of that. (How much of that letter is actually true and not forced, I’d like to find out). Though she is mature, I’m not sure it will ever be easy to explain the other side of the coin or what type of frustration that might bring up in her.
Hi Christina,
I am in full agreement with the heart behind your plea, and I am so grateful for all you, Nicki, and others do to shed light on all aspects of adoption – good and bad. However, I think there may be a good (better?) explanation for why there aren’t young children in the orphanages: love. Most birthmothers love their children and want what’s best for them. Most only choose to relinquish their children when they firmly believe it will provide them with more opportunities and stability than remaining in their care. Even here in the States, in instances where poverty is not an issue, moms choose adoption. Why? Maybe they’re not in a loving, stable relationship. Maybe they want their baby to grow up with a dad. Maybe they feel they are too young, too inexperienced, too preoccupied with education or life or any myriad of things with which parenthood interferes. Maybe they considered abortion. Maybe they chose to give their baby life, but couldn’t give them the life they envisioned. So they pursue adoption. Why? Because they see adoption as the more loving choice. Why? Because they can be reasonably sure that an adoptive family can provide most of the things they cannot. Because they don’t fear that their child could languish in an orphanage instead. Because they don’t believe the label and stigma “orphan†will be with them for long.
But what if the possibility of adoption didn’t exist? Many would likely choose to raise that child, despite the drawbacks, despite the real or perceived disadvantages. They would scrape and sacrifice and struggle, and possibly fail. Or maybe a grandmother would, or an aunt, or a cousin. Not because they really want the child, but because the alternative is so much worse.
In many Asian countries, adoption is not seen as a first choice for the childless. It’s not even the second or tenth. As such, a mother in one of these cultures – like Vietnam – would not have great hope that a child relinquished to an orphanage would be adopted domestically. Her expectation must be that the child she loves would be raised in an orphanage – forever an orphan, forever disadvantaged. But when international adoption programs are in place, that expectation is removed. Instead, that mother has hope. Hope that someone else can provide what she cannot provide, or does not want to provide. The hope of another option. Not just a way out of poverty for the “lucky baby,†but peace of mind for that unprepared, reluctant mother.
With this possibility, I don’t intent to diminish the terrible fact that women are coerced to relinquish their children through the misuse of our relative wealth. Sadly, baby-buying is a real possibility in any society where American means so outpace the average citizen. I believe we are responsible to everything we can to promote systems that help prevent and detect such atrocities. But we also need to be careful not to cry “wolf†when perhaps there is none. Just because there aren’t as many young children in Vietnamese orphanages now as we saw six and seven years ago doesn’t necessarily mean those children were there through questionable means. Perhaps it just means mothers – then and now – are making what they see as the most loving choices for their children.
Hi EJ
If you want to give me an email address I will happily pass on the information and help you as much as possible and that goes for anyone else who is interested.
I’d love to talk more specifically. My email- elise.norman@gmail.com
at culture camp when they were going into the 6th grade, there was a session on the UN human rights of a child, for a month after that we had a continuing discussion that started very general with “all kids”. then we talked a lot about who protected their rights before we adopted them, how those that were in charge of protecting them may of done it because of love and some because of greed. then they asked to visit the orphanage.
their questions have always been simple, but the answers are never simple, and as they get older we get to talk about it a little bit longer.
Hi Christina.Thanks for your blog.
We are a group of spanish families that have adopted in Vietnam.We had a lot of problems in diferent ways,we were asked a lot of money,children health was very bad….finally our administration closed Vietnam. We are very interested in contact with you to speak this things .PLEASE send us an e-mail
Or maybe there are fewer younger children to adopt during these times because birthmothers unable to care for their children have to resort to this:
http://www.thanhniennews.com/index/pages/20120823-little-deaths.aspx
Hello,
I too am interested in how you went about searching for birth family information in Vietnam. My email is follstad@tampabay.rr.com
Thank you!
SF
“If you truly believe you are meant to adopt a child from Vietnam, do you not owe it to them to make certain their adoption story is one you will be proud to tell them – with no questions or mysteries, just the clear unvarnished truth?”
Well said, and true no matter the country, including the U.S. Thanks for keeping the focus on ethics and justice.