The following was originally posted at Mrs. Broccoli Guy in January 2007 and was reposted at VVAI in August 2012
You know the one about the guys in prison who call out the numbers of jokes to one another and they all laugh because they’ve all read the same jokebook? I feel like I should do the same thing, only with soapbox posts. Tonight I’d yell out, 9.15.06 and 9.27.06. Because I sat down before dinner and wrote out a whole long soabox rant and then realized I basically just re-worded what I already said in those two posts. Apparently, I can rant on the topic of unethical agencies and ridiculously fast timelines over and over and never get tired of the sound of my own voice. It’s just that every time I turn around I hear about another person who gets a referral of a tiny baby (without any wait) and promises of very quick travel and I get riled up all over again. Apparently it’s a “hot button thing with me. You’d think I wouldn’t care, now that my own son is home. But then again, maybe that’s precisely why I do care. My daughter’s adoption was tainted by the corrupt actions of a woman who had nothing to do with R~ or her adoption. I don’t want the same thing to happen to my son.
As long as I’m ranting, I’ll throw out one other thing that concerns me”¦
– People who adopt multiple (unrelated) children at the same time. I know some agencies allow this. And I know some social workers will approve families for it. And I think that just shows how greedy some agencies and some social workers are. Because adoption is not just like birthing a child, no matter how badly we want it to be. Unlike a biological child, every adopted child has experienced at least one loss and probably two or three by the time they come to us. Which means they have grieving to do and attachment issues to address. Some kids only grieve a little and attach very quickly. Others take a long, long time to adjust to their new lives. And no one can predict how it will be for any particular child. I’ve heard of tiny babies having serious attachment issues”¦ and I’ve heard of some older kids who transition very quickly. You can’t predict. But one thing is certain: every child needs time and a great deal of attention during those first weeks and months after adoption. I think it’s too great of a risk to adopt two (unrelated) kids at once”¦you could end up depriving both of the intense bonding time that they need. And yes, I specify “unrelated because of course it’s important to keep siblings together and also a sibling would be an additional source of support during that transition time.
I realize these are kind of controversial topics but we’re all adults here. Let’s call it Discussion Day and open up the comments. It’s okay if you don’t agree with me, you can comment anyway, as long as you keep it nice.
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