Many of us have read this newest “fact sheet”. Many of us who read it said to ourselves, “and what about this is new news?”
But there was one phrase that caught me off guard.
We are aware of four children who have been returned to their birth parents once these circumstances were discovered.
As I have pondered these words today, I have been trying to put my finger on what it is about these words that bothers me so much. And I believe it is this.
Many, many of us have been very concerned about Orphans First and how it is all going to play out. We have been concerned about NOIDS and what happens to the children who receive them. Well, according to this fact sheet, four children whose questionable circumstances were discovered were returned to their birthfamilies.
As I have tried to look at this situation the the situational ethics lens that so many AP/PAP’s have regarding the larger situation in Vietnam, 4 out of 1403 doesn’t seem too bad. If there were only 4 cases that resulted in reunification, that isn’t too bad. 4 sacrificed for the greater good of these poor Vietnamese children finding better homes.
But immediately the questions come. How many birth family who never intended to relinquish their children were never found? How many cases slipped in under the radar with no one the wiser? How would that feel to think I had lost my child forever?
The reality is that we can never know the answers to those questions, and in all reality, to some extent(especially depending on what agency you used), our children could be the children that families in Vietnam believe have been stolen.
Of course we can’t go back. And regret that cripples us in worry and fear has no purpose. But regret that moves us to action can change this situation. Some of us need to regret that we used certain agencies, some of us need to regret that we really don’t know how ethical our adoptions are, some of us simply need to regret that this situation ever took place and that our children will be a part of this legacy whether their own personal adoptions were 100% ethical or not.
But here is the question that I pose today;
What legacy are we going to leave with our children?
What will they tell people when they are asked about Vietnam adoptions, about the circumstances surrounding their births? And more, importantly, how will they feel about their adoption stories and the roles that we played in their lives?
I believe that what our children say and believe is, in many ways, up to us. Do we slink away and hang our heads, do we distance ourselves from the chaos? Do we breathe a sigh of relief that we, at least, have our children home, and simply go on with life. Because really, life is hard enough as it is.
Or do we roll our sleeves up and do the work. Do we put our money where our mouths are by donating to organizations that keep impoverished families intact, that support ethical adoptions and familes stuck in adoption crisis? Do we send our letters and emails to our congressmen and representatives? Do we keep reading the message boards and the embassy “fact sheets”?
Don’t let this chance to change our children’s legacy become another crippling regret.
12 Responses
You know I hate to take this path again but here we go again. Sounds like more cover up crap from our government at work. They have repeatedly stated widespread corruption in the system. After that furor has died down somewhat they now release a statement saying four children have been returned. It would seem if the corruption is so widespread that would be a higher number, not just in US cases but other countries as well. I know there will be folks who will jump all over my case about our wonderful gov’t and the job they are doing. I say the job they are doing is a snow job based on what I keep hearing coming out in these posts. I agree 4 is 4 too many but no where near what I would call widespread. (yeah yeah there could be more) well there could be more cover up crap from the embassy as well. I really do believe this is all the result of a pissing match that started between the consulate and the embassy, snowballed, paps started to complain and now a handy way to CYA. Some of this is based on what I saw in counrty and was told while there, from ASP’s who work in country and from and US Govt employee directly. So lets see what the next chapter tells as more families are put through the wringer and more children suffer due to our tax dollars at work.
Sorry this is so harsh sounding but it goes on and on.
Jena,
I agree 100% with what you say at the end of your post. When the country closes we do need to roll up our sleeves and help out poorer families and the kids left in orphanages. Every little bit will help, from donations to the many groups that support and do orphan and relief work in Vietnam to writing letters, both to fix the system if it is messed up or fixing our embassy and consulate if they are really the problem.
Jena,
You know, you made a leap in logic in your post that isnt fair or warranted based on the “fact” sheet. I’d ask you to reconsider your post and your position.
The fact sheet does NOT say that the US or Orphans First is responsible in ANY WAY for four children being reunited with their birth familes. It says only that the State Department is aware of four children being reunited with their birth parents. I’d like to know more how Orphans First made that happen. Color me cynical, but I’m guessing it did not.
I look forward to your response.
I’m curious to understand who you do think is responsible for four children being reunited with their birth families, if not the DOS?
Hi Kelly-
As I know, this is an emotionally charged issue that can all too often result in assumptions.
“Many, many of us have been very concerned about Orphans First and how it is all going to play out. We have been concerned about NOIDS and what happens to the children who receive them. Well, according to this fact sheet, four children whose questionable circumstances were discovered were returned to their birthfamilies.”
My point in this paragraph was NOT that Orphans First was directly responsible for the returning of 4 children to their first familes(I only have first hand knkowledge of 1 child being returned to their first family as a result of the DOS investigation).
My point was two-fold:
1. We do not yet know how Orphans First is going to work. In my opinion, it is too soon to tell. I am still hopeful, but full of concerns. My point was that there are concerns about how it is working.
2. My second point is that 4 children have been returned to their first families. I have no way of know if this is a direct result of Orphans First or not.
In stating these two things, my point was that there is STILL a lot of work to be done, and that I, for one, am not ready to throw in the towel.
My position is that 4 children being returned, by whatever means(plus or minus the one that I know of first had that was a direct result of Orphans First), is too many.
My position is also that, as much as I wish that I could just sit back and KNOW that my government is taking care of all of the ethics issues for me(i.e. Orphans First), the reality is that we don’t have that option. We have to remain involved, pushing, prodding, encouraging, and yes, opposing our government and any other government that is not actively working on behalf of children.
I hope this clears up my position and my post.
Jena,
How many true orphans being left to live out their childhoods in institutions without the hope of a forever family is too many? This is the side of the argument that never seems to get addressed. Is it ethical to leave untold numbers of true orphans in orphanges while we try to establish absolute ethics and ensure?
Of course 4 returned to birth families is 4 too many. Just curious about your thoughts on the flip side of that coin. (Without even addressing whether absolute ethics exist.)
L
Sorry, left that not reading correctly. Meant to say:
…while we try to establish absolute ethics and ensure zero fraud and corruption?
and (Without even addressing whether absolute ethics exist and whether zero fraud and corruption is attainable in a world populated with mere humans.)
Thanks!
Actually, I know one family whose referral was lost due to the USCIS Orphans First investigation. That was a direct result of the investigation, when USCIS found the birth parent, who was illiterate, had been coerced into signing papers she didn’t understand. The baby was returned home to her birth family within days.
I agree — four children returned to their families is four too many. But at least ten children with adoptive families waiting to bring them home died unnecessarily during a rhino virus outbreak last February. This system is seriously broken and needs to be fixed on BOTH sides.
It will be “fixed” after September 1st, when no children will be adopted by US parents. The process does need to be fixed, but no one seems to want to do anything about it. I for one am all for the extra scrutiny to examine every case to insure it is legitimate, but to do so should not endanger children in any way. I know our orphanage is a great facility and the caregivers are great, but that may not be the case throughout the country. If I government felt there was a problem and put these new measures in place, they should have also increased the staff accordingly to accommodate the obvious backlog that was going to occur. We ahve been waiting 25 days for our approval, and that is a third or less than what some families are going through. I can hardly sleep at night knowing that everyday my son spends in the orphanage is causing problems once we are allowed to bring him home. Language skills and attachment issues chief among them. But I will feel so much better knowing that his mother did not give her child up for money or extortion. Why can’t the process start once a referral is issued? Seems to me a lot of the investigation can be handled sooner. We will continue to wait patiently and support the orphanage with what we can in the mean time.
Hi Carl – please don’t mistake the silence for a lack of action. I know VVAI is actively working on adoption reform, JCICS is working their initiative, Ethica is actively working with all levels for change, PEAR is working for change. The US government is working on their end. And PAPs are working on their end to contact their government reps. I think its a gross misrepresentation of all efforts to suggest that no one wants to do anything to fix the process.
My suggestion for PAPs who want to get involved is that you consider the latest JCICS initiatives and add to it strong and serious accountability standards for agencies that are glaringly lacking from the JCICS initiative and present that as a formal solution to your state and federal government so they have a framework of well-rounded ideas with accountability on ALL sides that will contribute to real change.
I am trying to find information on how immigration is expecting DNA to be provided when the mother cannot be found. They will not furnish us with this infomation or even what steps need to be taken to locate the mother. If the orphanage says the mother is not available does that end the adoption for American citizens? Does this mean the child will remain in the orphanage? We want what is best for her and tried to pick an agency that was known for its integrety. But since the JCICS will not answer us or our agency we are left without knowing what to do. Surely this cannot be in the best interest of the child.